I've found time.

To post, that is.

School started yesterday by the way. It's the fifth today, and the tension has already begun to rise. This year is a crucial year, yes I get it. YOU CAN STOP NOW LOL.

My day yesterday was pretty great. I was so excited to come back to school, and I missed everyone so badly, I think I screamed at the sight of my awesome friends. It was really something I felt happy about, although it was pretty minor, I'd say.

I think I've never been happier, if compared to last year's mayhem.

Okay so I'mma fast forward from the lessons to recess. Recess was at 10.50AM, which was with the Form 4 and 5s, so I couldn't recess with Rachel or Justin or Charlotte. But oh well :/ I-Xin thought all the boys supersized but then I figured it was the upper forms that made it look so serious what turf man =.='

I like the new canteen system, but I don't like it that we're recessing with upper sec people. I mean, they hog the entire counter so we can't like uh, squeeze in and get our food because we can't move in between giants.

The only thing I'm happy about is that there's good food in school now :D Everything is so freaking organized. They have stations for different food, and it's a lot better compared to last two years. I bought curry noodles yesterday and when I settled down to eat, I was like "OMG THEY SELL CURRY MEE! HOW COOL IS THAT???". Haha.

Okay, I overreacted. But hey, they had really good curry mee. WITH SI HAM!!! WOOT XD

Jia Wen bought fishball noodles, exactly when recess ended. She still continued eating slowly although we were all late. And we couldn't leave because she gave us, the GLARE. And then I was like, SPEED UP, WILL YOU?! But then she glared and just continued eating at normal pace. Finally she finished her food and we all got to leave.

Then after school, had to go to the front gate cuz I have a new transporter now, so I just followed Rachel. We both crossed the road then stood on that grassy plain like noobs lol. Waited like half an hour for our transporter to come but in the end my sister spotted her and we all got to go home.

Just as I arrived, Carlos called the house and asked if I need a ride to tuition. I completely forgot about tuition lol. So in the end he said get ready by 5.30PM.

Ate lunch, went upstairs, sort out the forms and all, then spared some online time. After that, had to bath and leave for tuition.

Tuition was okay. Jasmine came :)

Okay I'm too lazy to continue.

Today was alright, everything seemed uh, okay? Haha.

I fell asleep in class while doing the PMD. Woke up because my teacher pulled the paper off my grasp and then I was like huh? O_O Then she asked "Kamu letih ke?", which I just nodded to.

Oh yeah, during Moral, [insert female teacher's name here] came into class as replacement teacher(I think). I asked to go to the toilet and then guess what?

SHE LOUDLY EXCLAIMED "TOILET???"

In front of the entire class, 3A plus 3B.

What turf -___- So embarrassing lah.

And then after that she went and lecture the class about the "virtues of going to the toilet" and then about why girls can have partner to go to the toilet whereas boys must go alone, which slowly moved on to boy fights and ugh. You name it, we probably said it already. The class was like laughing, and I could see Ka Yan smirking in front of me trying not to laugh. I-Xin, Jia Wen were all with the 'Haha, what turf?!' expressions on their faces.

Then she finally gave me the pass and allowed me to leave class. And don't be out more than 10 minutes. What turf man. After all that embarrassment.

We also signed up for our co curriculum today. I decided to go for Leo Club, to see what it was all about. Everyone was asking me what the heck is Leo and I was like "Something like charity lah" the whole time. And then I-Xin and I decided to go for St. John again this year, and we both stuck with badminton for sports. I-Xin joined Chinese Society, since she didn't really found anything else interesting.

So much for joining music and choir this year. Fail.

St. John means exam. Exam means pressure. Pressure means regret.

Wait, there are no regrets in life, just lessons.

Anyway..

From behind, I could see everything that was happening around me. But what particularly caught my eye was the both of them, with smiles on each others faces. And with another hand on his back, I could see, a new friendship had flourished. There was no hatred, no anger, it was all peace of mind for both of them. The barrier was finally destroyed, and with it gone, freedom filled the air.

As for me, nothing could make me a happier person :)

Sure, I may have to sacrifice all my feelings, throw away all that was behind me, consume virtual painkillers in order to stay this way and to make things better, but to see someone with joy in their heart, it is something that I am proud of.

It has only been day two, however, I am really satisfied with how far I have been able to resist, maybe my habit is still there, but I have been able to avoid words for the entire day. I am not completely healed, my wound is still there, bleeding once in a while, but I know that one day, I will find someone that will love me for who I am, in the near future, when I am mature enough to understand love.

I really have a hard time trying to overcome my feelings, but it is definitely not impossible. I say so many things about how I don't believe in Romeo and Juliet, mocking tragic love stories as they are(I still think that the Twilight Saga is way too pathetic), but somehow, deep inside of me, I believe in love. I just don't think that true love should come this early.. I am too young to know what it really is.

And who I really am?

A girl who is really curious, who lives two lives because of unspecified reason, but trying her best, never giving up on anything, especially overcoming my feelings towards this boy. I really want him to be happy, and even if we can't be friends and I have to let it all go, I know that someday I will get a good return out of this, regardless what it may be. I want him to be happy, and most importantly, myself to be happy. So I will continue to strive and turn myself away from this boy, for the sake of myself and his sake. I gave him half of my heart, but I won't ask him to return it to me. I don't want to mend it.

I want to grow it back.

A new heart, to fill that hole that has been left barren for a while. I really love that boy, I will never deny, if it is even called love. Which is why I choose to harden myself and act all hardcore I-don't-freaking-care-hahaha when I'm truly hurt inside.

These days have been really great. I don't feel so hurt anymore, although it bleeds for awhile. I still have a bandage on that half of my heart, but the other half.. Will grow back. Perfectly :)

We cannot be friends.. But I am happy to see that you have found a new friend. A friend you truly must cherish.. He is a good guy, I see it inside of him, although he treats me coldly. I understand he has had requirements to fulfill, but now, he is free.

And I really want to thank my best friend. I wish you all the best :) And I would like to thank my uh, online friend lol. For listening to me rant. You guys know who you are.

That's all for today.